This week we're all about TASTE and allowing yourself to savour the full pleasure bounty within you. Yes it's wonderful to slip your hands down your pants for a quick afternoon orgasm, but what about really spending time accessing all areas of yourself and experiencing the myriad ways to fuck yourself? Being your own lover?
This week we're taking ourselves on a date and we're gonna try all the things we've ever dreamed of. Masturbation puts pleasure in our own, literal, hands making us more confident in our lovemaking and enabling us to communicate our desires with our lovers.
IF YOU'RE USING YOUR HANDS AND FINGERS
It's no wonder that most of us don't penetrate ourselves when we masturbate, it's all about Grand Central Station - The Clitoris. Because the clitoris surrounds the whole vulva and vagina, there's no need to differentiate between vaginal, clitoral, cervical or whatever orgasm you have. Not all orgasms are created equal and their frequency and intensity varies with the context of our experience. So explore with your fingers using varying pressure, rhythms and movements. You can tap, encircle, rub, stroke, press, insert and do whatever feels good. Use two hands - one for inserting into the vagina and one for playing with the clitoris for example. Taste your own delicious juices.
IF YOU'RE USING SEX TOYS
Vibrators are an incredibly useful tool to help with vaginal and anal penetration when our fingers won't reach. They can help us reach climax much more quickly too. All the myths about not being able to orgasm without them or desensitising yourself are false so let's throw them away once and for all.
If you've never had penis in vagina sex before, penetrating yourself with a vibrator is a great way to prepare yourself. Ditto with anal sex. Anal masturbation may be one of the last taboos left but if anal sex is something you've been thinking about, experimenting with your fingers and/or a toy is a wonderful way to prepare your body safely and with pleasure. We asked Alicia Sinclair, founder and CEO of progressive anal sex toy company B-Vibe, how to gently introduce anal play into your self pleasure routine.
"Often times when people think of anal play, they believe that has to mean penetration. However, anal play can include exterior massage of the butt and entry to the anal canal (anal sphincter), which is an especially nerve rich area. Start a butt stuff adventure by stimulating the outside of the body with a fingers, a tongue, or even a vibrator. These sensations feel really pleasurable for many folks, and it you enjoy it, it’s a good indication that you may want to try a small product like the Snug Plug 1 in the future."
An internal vibrator is the most versatile toy you can own. There's no need to use it internally if you don't want to. Move it over your breasts, vulva, anus and only insert it if you're ready. (NOTE: Don't insert vibrators in your bum unless they have a wide base or they may get 'lost'). Alter the speeds, use the tip to pinpoint sensitive areas or use the length to stimulate the entire vulva. When you insert it, angle it forward towards the belly button with considerable pressure to stimulate the front wall. Use fingers to rub/finger/tap the clitoris too. Don't forget lube.
IF YOU'RE USING THE KITCHEN SINK
You can totally explore kink with yourself. We love the kinky short stories we sell in-store because as well as being juicy AF, they are great for inspiration. If you're curious about bondage, pain and pleasure then now is the time to try it with yourself.
Some ideas to help you explore kink on your own...
You can tie your ankles so your legs are apart or use a spreader bar. Do it in front of a mirror and appreciate your beautiful aroused body. Attach some nipple clamps with a chain in between and pull on the chain with your mouth. Run a flogger sensually up and down your body, buttocks and breasts and hit harder to understand the pleasure/pain dynamic. Blindfold yourself while using your vibrator and wearing a butt plug. Give drip candles a go and create beautiful patterns on yourself. Experiment with ice cold toys or ice-blocks in conjunction with the hot wax.
A NOTE ON LOVING YOUR BODY
If you feel disgust about your body, its bumps, smells and discharges, then you're hitting the brake hard on ever feeling full sexual pleasure. Shifting your focus to acceptance, love and curiosity will revolutionise your entire experience of sex. Yes, you say, but how? You need to unlearn the negative messages you've received about sex (participate in the unlearning project) read books, attend workshops and decide once and for all to change the narrative. When you love your body you have better sex - that's a researched fact. "Women who feel worse about their bodies have less satisfying, riskier sex, with less pleasure, more unwanted consequences, and more pain."*
Self exploration and pleasure, experimenting with your own body, consenting to more radical ways to have sex with yourself and unlearning the shame attached to radical self pleasure will revolutionise your relationships and sex.
Self criticism reduces your sexual pleasure. Learning to love and accept your body is the best way to have better sex. TASTE yourself, see yourself as you want your lovers to see you and treat yourself to the very best.
Check out the illustration Christine Yahya of Pink Bits has created for us. Zoom in on all the cute & delicious details on this one - from the jiggling jelly, to the bursting champagne, beautiful body hair, to the towering cakes - favourite sex toys, mood lighting, comfy room, candles...it's all there.
* Come As You Are -Emily Nagoski / Body Image & Genital Self-Image - Pazmany et al.
Download our How To Choose A Vibrator: Beginners Guide here.