For many, TANTRA conjures up images of cross legged hippies staring fixedly into space awakening the kundalini whilst BDSM invokes a nether world of naked floggings, rubber knickers, gimp masks and handcuffs.

To stereotype these practices and ignore the rich possibilities each has to bring to our intimate relationships is to limit the nature of our sexuality.

Tantra - Mindful Sex. Present Sex.

I like to think of tantra as a sexual discipline where we teach our mind and body to be at one with our partner's mind and body.
In an age where our heads are full of social media, white noise, stress, shame and guilt, it is more important than ever that we learn to connect with our lovers in a space of deep relaxation and connection, so as not to lose the intimacy and love that is vital to life. Thinking about the shopping list is not going to cut it.
Central to tantra is respect and worship. We may 'love' our partners and ourselves, but do we wholeheartedly embrace this power when making/creating love? Do we show full respect to our lovers and our own body, worshipping each part and pleasuring it with wonder? Isn't that what we all want from a lover? Complete and utter worship? That is tantra - clear and present sex - and we can all practice it and reap its benefits, simply by bestowing complete adoration and attention, to the exclusion of all else, when lovemaking.

B D S M - Bondage. Discipline. Dominant. Submissive. Sadism. Masochism.

Central to BDSM is the play of power between lovers. Most of us have practiced this in some form or other within our relationships, whether it is by simply assuming a more submissive or dominant role in the bedroom or by actual role-play such as boss/secretary, teacher/student, nurse/patient etc. Taking on an unequal but complimentary role can be intensely exciting and forms the basis of the sexual fantasies that fuel our desires.
Pain and Pleasure are so closely entwined and can be as subtle as a passionate, hard kiss or as extreme as hard whack on the arse. It can form a small part of your sexual repertoire or have you involved in a like minded community of fetishists and players. What is so gratifying about BDSM practice is that it involves informed consent between lovers. It creates language, communication, thought, planning and preparation. It is the foreplay of unbelievably hot sex. It is mind and body together in the present moment.
Playing with pleasure and pain opens pathways to new and often deeper sensations. If there are issues with one part of the body, such as numbness, erectile dysfunction or post surgery trauma, then adding an element of pain (eg. nipple clamps) or subtracting a sense (eg. hearing or sight) can dramatically increase sensation.

Whether you're aware of it or not, you have more than likely incorporated both TANTRA and BDSM into your lovemaking at some point. Fully exploring and opening yourself to the possibilities of each will deepen your sexuality, improve your relationships, give you confidence and sexual agency.