Often we want to talk about sex with our partner but are just too shy. Deer (or cat) in the headlights anybody?
Most of us haven’t had a lot of experience talking about our sexuality and it's not something we see modeled in real life or in the media.
There can be a lot of shame and embarrassment and yet not talking about it often only makes it worse. Don't worry if that's you - you're totes normal!
On the other hand, talking about it makes sex so much better! So here are a few one liners for you to have in your back pocket when the moment strikes.
(Obviously you can put your own spin on it and expand your repertoire!)
EXAMPLE 1 - Positive Reinforcement
"I'm still feeling warm & fuzzy on the inside from our session last night. How about tonight we try something different? I've been thinking about (a roleplay scenario)"
EXAMPLE 2 - The Objective View
"I read this article the other day where they were talking about (how being blindfolded sharpens your other senses.) I wouldn't mind trying that tonight!"
EXAMPLE 3 - Positive + Negative + Positive
"I love having sex with you. Sometimes I (find it hard to block out the thoughts of the day though.) Maybe trying something new might help?"
EXAMPLE 4 - The "I" Perspective
"I feel like I haven't been a very good lover lately and I want you to know that our sex life is important to me. I know I find it hard to talk about this stuff but would like to try."
EXAMPLE 5 - The Open Question
"I was talking to (the girls) the other day and they were talking about this thing called (The Womanizer.) Have you heard of it?"
EXAMPLE 6 - The Confidence Angle
"You know how sometimes I'm not really in the mood? Well I bought this (really big dildo) online that I thought might help. Wanna give it a go?"
NOTE TO SELF: Timing is everything
If you're still not feeling comfortable bringing sex up with your partner, don't worry, this stuff takes practice. Here's some other tips:
- Instead of bringing sex up in person, why not send texts or emails? Start with a text - "I really want to talk to you about something but am too embarrassed to do it face to face. Can I send it to you instead?"
- Suggest playing a regular game like Uno or Yahtzee where the winner has to share something personal. You have to play at least 4 games for it to be beneficial:)
- Post coital fuzz is a great time to spill the beans. How about "I'm feeling a bit stressed out lately and it's taking me longer to get there. Any suggestions?"..."I've been thinking of trying (some silicone lube)."
- Buy an erotic fiction book and make sure your partner can see the cover. If it piques their interest, suggest reading some passages aloud. It makes for great conversation!
- Non verbal communication during sex is brilliant. Moaning at the appropriate times works wonders.
Talking about sex really does strengthen our bond and makes us better lovers. Discussing things like sexual likes and dislikes, our interests, kinks, fantasies and how often we like to have sex are all topics that are beneficial to our relationships. Sexual health and issues around limits and consent are absolutely vital.
LISTEN. DON'T JUDGE. COMPROMISE. BE POSITIVE. ASK.
So start the sex communication challenge this week. Come on!! What's stopping you?