Dear Michelle

I need a toy to climax but when I'm sleeping with people I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up so I don't use it and it results in lacklustre time.


Hmmm, you need a vibrator to get you off. How sad.

(loud vibrator sounds emanating from Rachel's room)

It's so humiliating for your lovers.

(what do you mean I'm not enough?)

Maybe you should just leave your vibrator at home and pretend you've had an earthquake of an orgasm. That way there's no hurt feelings.


Or don't bother finding new people on Tinder. Just stay at home with your vibrator and have yourself a fine old time. That way, you'll never have to reveal the truth.

Nah! Fuck that Sydneysider! Wherever you go, your sex toy goes. From now on, it's  you and your vibrator or it's nothing.

(go Ross)

When a new date asks you to 'come over' you say, 'Do you mind if I bring my vibrator'? I mean, who's going to say no? And if they do mind, well you're never going to have great sex with them anyway.


(it's not gonna work out)

If you're feeling uncomfortable bringing it up, maybe it's because of some residual shame you feel about relying on a device (shock, horror) for your pleasure. Or maybe you're worried that other people will make you feel ashamed.

When it comes down to what turns us on, who's judging? If it's a man in uniform, a foot fetish, white, lacy lingerie or being trampled by a dominatrix in stilettos who's to judge? If your nerve endings need vibration to make them tingle then so what?


What astonishes me Sydneysider, is how many folks checking out the vibrator selection in the store comment that their partners wouldn't want them to use one. So much insecurity out there!

(my reaction)

When Bustler did a survey of 500 millennial women they found that 18.66 percent were hesitant to bring a sex toy into the bedroom because they were worried it would bruise their partner's ego.

(get over it)

Rather than getting yourself off privately or continuing to engage in 'lacklustre' sex, we usually recommend introducing something small, non-phallic and non-threatening that you can keep in your handbag and travel with.  Or suggest shopping together for a couple's toy that gets you both off.

(Ross and friends shopping for COUPLE'S TOYS in the 1999 Passionfruit catalogue)

Know that you're not alone Sydneysider. We hear ya! Own your pleasure and marvel at your body's unique response to stimuli. If someone poo poos you, move on.

Nothing is worth putting up with lacklustre sex.

Much love and good vibes,



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