Dear Michelle,

Like everyone in Melbourne, I can’t wait for lockdown to be over. I’m so horny! But…. I’m terrified!


Like everyone in Melbourne what’s-a-horny-hypochondriac-to-do, you can’t have sex until Dan says so. It will probably have to be outside and involve no more than 10 people and you may have to do the doggy-conga so you’re not spraying saliva into each other’s faces.

It will be fascinating to see how things play out but lo and behold, experts are predicting that there’s going to be a lot of bonking going on with casual and unprotected sex skyrocketing once restrictions are eased. Get ready for a fuck-fest basically.

Post pandemic researchers reckon we’ll be making up for lost time in a BIG way.. We’re in for packed stadiums, crowded nightclubs, flourishing arts plus “liberal spending, a “reverse of religiosity” and “sexual licentiousness”

- Yale professor and social epidemiologist Dr Nicholas Christakis

Woo hoo!! On the downside, Medicine Direct in the UK looked at four million Google searches post lockdown and found that searches for STD tests increased by 51 per cent and searches for emergency contraception rose by 41 per cent. There might be different reasons for this but I think we can safely assume that with all this sex going on, we need to protect ourselves more than ever.

So the moral of the story, what’s-a-horny-hypochondriac-to-do, is go forth and catch up on lost time but consider things such as:

  • checking a potential partner's vax and sexual health status
  • having early conversations with potential partners about health and values
  • using rapid testing if and when it becomes available
  • not having sex if you or your potential partner are displaying covid symptoms
  • having regular sexual health check ups 
  • practicing dating again and learning how to feel safe when you're being intimate
  • always using condoms 

Other than that, check with Dan. Have fun. You only live once. And remember, sex is good for anxiety.