What is tantra? Why should I care?

According to Tantric Coach, Helena Nista :

"In Tantra, sex is sacred and special, and tantric practices help us to embrace this principle. It's not about DOING anything, but about BEING together in a state of deep eroticism, sensuality and intimacy."

So, in this context Tantra is often referred to as a 'sexuality mindset' composed of slowing down, being present, and letting go of goals.
Most modern twists on Tantra are derived from the original philosophy: one with deep spiritual and cultural roots. To understand more about the history and principles of tantra we recommend 'The Origins of Tantra', a Medium article by Matthias Rose (8 minute read). 

How do I incorporate Tantra into my current sex life?

Solo or partnered, you can begin by making a commitment within yourself, with your lover/s or partner/s to bring in some new tantra-inspired practices.

As an individual, this might mean considering what you want to explore, what you're most curious about, and creating a list of simple exercises to incorporate within your pleasure practice.

In a partnered dynamic, we recommend starting with a conversation. Ask each other questions like "What do you know about Tantra? What have you heard about it that appeals to you? Why might you be curious about the practice? How might it change our sex life?"

Then, with enthusiastic consent you can commit to trying these three Tantra-inspired exercises from the experts.

1. The Stills

Roger of Curious Creatures (no longer running), used to run a workshop called, 'Fun Little Sex Games', featuring a dozen exercises just like this one for couples to explore and cultivate playful communication.

This particular exercise teaches skills around getting into your body, reading your partner's feedback, one-way touch (which is crucial to extending pleasure!), and the joy of playing in its subtleties. In fact, this exercise is a very powerful solution to what we call 'over enthusiastic' touch.

You'll need a partner of any gender, and it can be easily adapted for people with different levels of mobility. Person #1 lies down on their back, with a pillow under their head, and is not allowed to move any body parts except for their eyes (and of course any internal movements, like breathing. But, there's strictly to be no talking). Person #2 plays with them, up until Person #1 flinches or moves - it's normally quite obvious to both parties when a flinch has occurred. When the receiver flinches (or moves in any other way), it's time to swap - the giver gets down on their back and is now the receiver. (Note: The person receiving touch can control the play by ‘accidentally’ flinching, thereby prompting a swap; so consent is built into the structure).

2. Eye-Gazing

This exercise is from Helena Nista, a Tantric coach based in Melbourne. She often sees couples suffering from boredom, routine or declining passion in the bedroom and recommends this exercise.

Eye-gazing is one of the most profound techniques I teach my clients. (And, if you have the same algorithm as us, you'll notice that it's all over TikTok, too!) Here, the couple starts by sitting down, facing each other. Next they start softly gazing into each other’s eyes, trying not to look at the surface of their partner’s eyes but deeper within, delving deep into each other. They allow their bodies and minds to relax, staying present and mindful while taking deep, relaxed breaths. This prolonged eye-contact has the ability to put us in a state of mild trance, bringing magic and connection to sex.

3. Grounding Hug

This exercise is by Barbara Carrellas from the book 'Urban Tantra' designed for down to earth beginners. This is a great exercise to start and finish sexual play with.

Stand comfortably in front of your partner and breathe deeply from the base of your root chakra (the base of the spine). Visualise your legs as roots of a tree grounding deeply into the earth. Place one hand on your partner's lower back, the other on their middle/upper back. Breathe your belly into their belly and imagine you are grounding them into the earth with you. You should feel their body soften and relax. Breathe for however long feels organic to you. Switch roles.

Keen for more Tantric exercises? Check out our upcoming workshops and events for further teachings from local facilitators.