So quickly - What is tantra? Why should I care?

According to Tantric Coach, Helena Nista :

"In Tantra sex is sacred and special, and tantric practices help us to embrace this principle. It is not about doing anything but about BEING together in a state of deep eroticism, sensuality and intimacy."

Tantra is often referred to in this context as a sexuality mindset, composed of slowing down, being present and letting go of goals. Most modern twists on Tantra are derived from the original philosophy, one with deep spiritual and cultural roots. To understand more about the history and principles of tantra we recommend this article by Matthias Rose (8 minute read). 

So how do I incorporate this into my current sex life?

Start by making a commitment with your partner to bring in some new tantra-inspired practices. We recommend starting with this conversation out at dinner or on a walk to explore why you both want to try it. Ask each other questions like "What do you know about tantra? What have you heard about it that appeals to you? How could it change our sex life?" Then commit to trying these three tantra inspired exercises techniques from the experts...

1. 'The Stills'

By Roger from Curious Creatures. He runs a class called 'fun little sex games' teaching a dozen exercises for couples :

This exercise teaches the skills of getting into your body, reading your partner's feedback, one-way touch (which is crucial to extending pleasure!), and the joy of playing in the subtleties of touch. (In fact, this exercise is a very powerful solution to what we might call the problem of 'over enthusiastic' touch).

You'll need a partner of any gender, and it can be easily adapted for people with different levels of mobility. Person One lies down on their back, with a pillow under their head, and is not allowed to move any body parts except their eyes (and any internal muscles, like breathing, but strictly no talking). Person Two plays with them, up until Person One flinches or moves - it's normally totally obvious to both parties when a flinch has occurred. When the receiver flinches (or moves in any other way), it's time to swap - the giver gets down on their back and is now the receiver. (Note that the person receiving touch can control the play by ‘accidentally’ flinching, thereby prompting a swap; consent is built into the structure).

2. 'Eye-Gazing'

by Helena Nista, a tantric coach based in Melbourne. She often sees couples suffering from boredom, routine or declining passion in the bedroom and recommends this exercise.

Eye-gazing is one of the most profound techniques I teach my clients. It’s also usually their favourite one. The couple starts by sitting down, facing each other. Next they start softly gazing into each other’s eyes, trying to look not at the surface of their partner’s eyes but deeper within, delving deep into each other. They allow their bodies and minds to relax, staying present and mindful while taking deep, relaxed breaths. A prolonged eye-contact has the ability to put us in a state of mild trance, bringing magic and connection to sex.

3. 'Grounding Hug'

by Barbara Carrellas from the book 'Urban Tantra' designed for down to earth beginners.

This is a great exercise to start and finish sexual play with. Stand comfortably in front of your partner and breathe deeply from the base of your root chakra (base of the spine). Visualise your legs as roots of a tree grounding deeply into the earth. Place one hand on your partner's lower back, the other on their middle/upper back. Breathe your belly into their belly and imagine you are grounding them into the earth with you. You should feel their body soften and relax. Breathe for however long feels organic to you. Switch roles. 

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