I don't know about you, but my Instagram is currently a visual assault of red roses.
On a 10pm scroll last night (prime post-V-Day hour) I got to thinking, in these modern sex aware times, why are we still hailing the red rose as the symbol of ultimate affection? When was the last time those petals did anything for my petal? (note: absolutely do not try to get off using a rose).
Some may say Passionfruit have become a bit obsessed with the muti-functional (/multi-fucktional) of late. First it was the Crave necklace, a sly-side-smile-at-the-airport-security-tray favourite (spoiler: it's a vibrator). Then we got on our soap box over Movember encouraging people to really dig deep into their "pockets" for men's health.
And now I think it's time we updated the rose. You know what I'm talking about. Next Valentine's Day I want a screen filled with a million bunches of sex sponges.
Before shot... what will we do with all these dried up roses?
After shot... I am now accepting bets on how long it takes my partner to notice.
What is a sex sponge I hear you cry? Here is the scenario.
You're on your period and you want to have sex (penetrative, oral, handies, solo, whatever you're in the mood for) but you're put off by the idea of the look and clean up of a crotch massacre. You pop one of these heart-shaped babes into your vagina beforehand and VOILA, no trace of the menses.
(Side note: if you love riding out that crimson wave, ride on. There is no health reason why you should not have sex during menstruation. This product is a preventative cleaning hack and for those who just don't want to have to think about their period while they're getting it on).
Three Top Tips for Sponging :
1. Pinch the two bulbs of the heart for easy insertion. It's designed as a heart shape for this reason (which quite frankly, is a bit 'the end of Romeo and Juliet' when you take it out... That final sad battered heart is for the Emo crowd exclusively).
2. Getting it out might feel really bizarre. There isn't a string for easy removal like a tampon, it's a case of 'fishing' it out with a one finger hook until it's down enough for the two finger pinch. Bearing down with you pelvic floor also helps. This is a nice transition however into the Diva Cup if the thought of getting to know yourself truly, madly, deeply (Savage Lady Garden style) has felt like a bit too much of a hurdle. It should not hurt. Just the first few times can feel mildly 'weird' as you body says "oh ok... I see... that's what you're doing now... hmm..."
3. Swimming, sports, a break from tampons or the bloody chalice ('diva cup'). It's hard to not fall in love with the sponge once you've got over the weird removal feelings. You will want to use it for more than just sex. The most humble of menstrual products but probably one of the best.
And if you're a bit 'meh' about the whole sex 'n period thing but would like to spare your sheets the experience, sex educator Kate McCombs recommends putting down a Liberator Throe and these three other tips for an easier, sexier period.
Last but not least, we couldn't sign off without mentioning 'The Sponge' episode of Seinfeld, that sees Elaine hording a stash of her beloved 'valentines'.
Now go forth my Bloody Valentine, every day, is Valentine's Day...