When we met Anna a month ago, she knew her sex life wasn't what she or her partner Harry wanted. They had been together five years and recently their lives have turned into work > play. She felt self-conscious when sex was initiated and felt her sex drive (libido) was at rock bottom.
During our first phone conversation she knew something had to change. She was even considering buying an aphrodisiac enhancing tea from the Chemist... but felt there had to be a better way. We suggested a free experiment instead. Every week we would give her one sex-life-boosting strategy to try out and reflect on at the end of the week.
You can read the individual reflections from Anna in the Challenge Results posts.
I caught up with Anna for coffee 2 weeks after the experiment finished to see what they had learnt and taken from the experiment. Here are Anna's biggest insights.
- She felt her sexual confidence had been given a boost and it felt great not having to buy something to make a change in her life (that being said, we did send her some Uberlube to accompany the touch exercise on week 2, in Anna's words : "What have we been doing without this?!")
- Even though they weren't able to complete all the daily challenges, that led to a great insight : "It wasn't just my sex drive, other stuff gets in the way too". Beforehand Anna had thought that her low sex drive was letting the team down. However, during the challenges, their competing schedules and lack of time were the biggest barriers. If you're not in the same room- that sex ain't gonna happen!
- Their favourite exercises were the daily sexting (this got them planning on what they wanted to do that evening) and the mindful touching (this got them both to slow down and interrupt the usual routine).
- The challenges affirmed their shared relationship values. They both want to have a great sex life and they are both open and curious to explore what that means for them: "We realised we have so much fun when we put in the effort"
In conclusion, this experiment has taught us all that a great sex life does not just happen with good intentions. You have to first decide it's a priority, then make small adjustments to make it happen. There is no quick fix solution, no pill from the doctor or tea at the chemist that will suddenly transform your sexual world.
Make the time, choose some strategies and have the conversations with your partner about what you are choosing to do with your time instead of sex. If you want awesome connected sex with your partner to be a part of your life, it has to become a time priority first.