Are you kinky? Is your lover a little kinky? Are you simply exploring kink for the first time – or expanding your kink practice? You've come to the right place. We've prepared an introductory read for the kink-curious, and those looking to enhance their experiences with a dash of kink.
What is kink?
Mentioning the word 'kinky' to some of our customers can still inflame a cheek or two. But, generally speaking, having a sexual kink means that you or a lover derives pleasure from something that sits outside of what is conventionally considered sexy or erotic.
For example, what is considered kinky to one person might involve using a sex toy (colour us kinky!). Whereas another person might find being spanked by a femdom in a latex hood much kinkier to them. However you define your kink is up to you.
Not all kinks need to involve a blindfold and role play, some kinks can be as simple as enjoying a particular sensation, temperature, item of clothing or dirty talk.
How do I find out if I'm kinky?
Okay, you might be thinking, But everyone enjoys a person dressed in a sexy uniform. But, do they? And why? Perhaps, we're all a little kinky. And wouldn't it be great if we all had a better understanding of what turned us on, why? Here's where to start researching and exploring your kink and use this insight to your advantage.
How do you know if you simply like a little novelty here and there or whether there's more to that electric sensation you feel whenever you see rubber?
Welcome to the 'stage of the crave': a kinky milestone.
So, you've reached the point of knowing that you want to explore something, but you're unsure what that something is. So let's find out what that something looks like to you.
1. Hit the books
- Erotica. Read it. There's nothing like a bunch of stories to help you find out what gets you hot under the collar. Use them as research or as a test to see what sticks and what doesn't.
- Come As You Are Workbook. A practical companion for the eponymously named book, Emily Nagoski provides worksheets, prompts and diagrams to help you understand yourself and what drives that desire of yours.
- Explore our range of BDSM Guides, like 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do. Have a look at the range of books on offer, see what appeals to you most and educate yourself.
2. Partner up with PRICK
If your kink involves another person (or five) consider using the PRICK checklist to find suitable playmates. This cheeky acronym stands for Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink. It's a philosophy emphasising the personal responsibility of participants involved in risky sexual behaviours who must individually consent to the behaviour only after personally understanding and considering its risks.
3. Communicate.
Knowing what you like is one thing, sharing that openly and playfully with other people is a whole other thing. But, trust me, when it goes well, a whole world of pleasure opens up for you. So fortune kinda favours the brave here.
Practice communicating your kinks (things that turn you on, make you feel good, or excite you sexually) before divulging this with a trusted PRICK (see above). Not only can this help build connection, trust and anticipation – it helps guide future conversations about the scene, what your kink(s) might involve and any necessary boundaries that need to be agreed upon before anything occurs.
Make sure you can bring up anything with your partner before, during and after play. Because, although you may adhere to the PRICK philosophy, you need to be able to confidently voice your feelings at any time.
4. Attend a workshop
You've dabbled in theory, why not ask an expert or other people who have more experience within the community?
- Join Fetlife the most popular social network for the BDSM, Fetish & Kinky Community.
- Check out workshops and events by Peer Rope Melbourne for practical lessons on rope bondage.
- Love latex? Explore Melbourne Rubber, a community of like-minded rubber and fetish enthusiasts.
- Is ethical non-monogamy something you're curious about? Visit ENM Australia for resources and recommendations.
Common Kinky Pursuits
Alright, you've read the fine print, now for the fun part – finding your thing! Here are some of the more common kinks we hear about, experience and engage with every single day.
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Impact Play involves using a hand, flogger, paddle, crop, or anything else to create physical contact in a sensual way. While there are a handful of excellent impact play workshops on offer throughout the year, each class will cover a few essentials. Including: safety and communication, where to start, tools and accessories and how to use them, plus ways to practice on inanimate objects. Jay Wiseman's book SM101 is an awesome introduction.
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Bondage or restraint play is a super common kink that refers to the limitation of movement or action. Think: cuffs, bondage tape, silk ties or even Glad Wrap! Being tied up can actually allow for a wonderful feeling of freedom: after all, you are at your lover's mercy. Tying up your partner on the other hand, is an exciting way to be dominant in the bedroom and may activate a Dominant kink that you might have hiding in the wings.
Rope tying, or Shibari is a more advanced form of restraint play and should only be entered into once you've done substantial research. Read books, attend workshops and know your partner intimately. It's important that you know about any health conditions before entering into a Shibari scene as the pressure that's necessary to apply to joints can be very dangerous for some.
Avoid tying anyone up until you've got a pair of reliable rope scissors and have completed A LOT of research. And, never leave a partner tied up, even if it's just in cuffs. They may experience a cramp, some detrimental numbness or even have a seizure where they need to be freed immediately.
- Role Play refers to assuming the role of a different person (or thing) and is a wonderful way to explore fantasies and kinks, often involving something taboo. Taking up the role of boss/secretary, vampire/unassuming victim or naughty neighbours for example may not acceptable in real life, but is a way to safely explore the fantasy. Pretending not to know your partner when you 'meet' at a bar and have hot sex in the car park can be a great way to explore the fantasy of infidelity within the safety of a steady relationship. Dress up, hone your acting skills and fulfill your wildest fantasies.
Common Kinky Accoutrements
Kink? Check. Research? Check. Companion(s)? Check, check, check. All that's left are the accessories:
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Nipple Clamps – It's a fine line between pleasure and pain and clamps are the sweetest way to experience it. Read our article 'How to Use Nipple Clamps'
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Spreader Bars – "Hands against the wall and spread 'em." "Anything you say!" Read our article on 'Spreader Bars'
- Blindfolds – Whether it's a silky sash or a leather 'blackout' mask, a blindfold is a surefire way to keep you in the moment. Not being able to see what your partner is doing or planning enlivens the senses and adds spice and drama.
If you're just starting out with kink, begin slowly, remember to communicate your wants as well as your 'avoid's, and have fun exploring. We're all a bit kinky in some way or the other so start discovering and sharing yours. And always remember to keep it consensual and fun.
