On ABC radio today, when Virginia Trioli asked what skills you've learned in isolation, one 35 year old woman texted that she'd learned how to give herself an orgasm. And Virginia remarked that that was a brilliant use of her time in isolation. And I agree. If there's ever a time to be learning more about your body, it's likes and dislikes, it's now.
FIRST: To begin your self pleasure journey - CONSENT - to yourself that you can self pleasure. Say
“I give myself permission to self pleasure and discover my desires.” As Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101, says ‘Before we can consent to others, we have to consent to ourselves: our desires, our wants and our wishes.’
I know this can be difficult if you have fear and shame around sex but self pleasure is something we all deserve and need. We’re going on this journey with no judgement. It can be helpful to notice all the factors that have contributed to your shame about sex (religion, upbringing, society, experience) and then make up your own mind. Be gentle with yourself and have compassion. Give your full consent to yourself.
SECOND: Notice and write in a journal the things that turn you on. It might be a fantasy about group sex, or it may be to be penetrated by a large phallus. Is it having your nipples squeezed, or anal sex or a romantic roll in the hay with a gruff farmhand? We don’t care WHAT your turn ons are, we care about how we can USE them to our pleasure advantage. If you find it difficult to work out what turns you on, watch some porn or read some erotica and notice how your body reacts. Does it get all warm and happy or does it leave you cold? We can’t know what cuisine we like until we try a lot of different styles.
THIRD: Do some breathing exercises every day where you clench your pelvic floor in rhythm with your breath. Pleasure and orgasm come with build-up, or tension, and release. Add a hugging of the genitals as you do this and apply pressure if that feels nice. Just go with the flow and feel the tension, the relaxation and the warmth.
FORTH: Prepare yoself! You’re gonna need a time and a place to go on your self pleasure journey. Choose the space you’re dedicating to your practice and write a list of what you want in it. For example, music, mood lighting, candles, scent, towel, lubricant, toys, satin ties, blindfold, earplugs, nipple clamps, erotica - whatever you think you’ll need. Maybe some new sheets! If you haven’t bought a sex toy before you can download our How To Choose ebook here.
- List your wants
- Breathe and clench
- Prepare your space and collect/buy what you want in it.
Next week we'll go through some techniques to give yourself pleasure and begin your orgasm journey.
Artwork by Christine Yahya of @pink_bits who we have collaborated with for Masturbation May. You can purchase her exclusive print 'Bloom' here.
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