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Ahh, the 5 love languages. Surely they include Spanish, French and Italian, no?
According to Dr Gary Chapman, author of ‘The 5 Love Languages’ back in 1992, we all express and receive love in one of FIVE different ways – regardless of our mother tongue. While you might not be the ‘self-help’ type, knowing what your lover’s language is could make you more instrumental in their sensual satisfaction and, in turn, make you feel more empowered to ask for exactly what you want. Now, you’re talking.
At Passionfruit we’re here to help you, and everyone you know, answer the question "What do you like in bed?" with confidence. We believe that understanding the five love languages may help us begin to answer that question, enthusiastically and without giggling incessantly.
The five love languages
From friendships to business connections, love languages can improve all types of relationships. But, we’re here to discuss how they can improve your sex life. Start by figuring out what your dominant love language is (the primary ways in which you receive and give affection) and ask your partner to do the same. Not sure what your language is? Consider the last time one of the five following acts made you feel seen, secure and appreciated or how you may have employed one of the following, to express your affection towards others:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Now for the fun part, translating each of the languages into sizzling acts of seduction.
If your partner’s dominant love language is:
Words of Affirmation
Darling, you must start using your words to woo them. It’s time to express how you feel using the spoken word. We’re talking compliments, baby. After all, our beautiful brains are our biggest sex organs right? Here are a few conversation starters, but please, feel free to use your own intimate vocabulary. Cunning linguists have always had our hearts.
Examples:
“You have the most gorgeous pussy”
“I want your throbbing cock in my mouth”
“I can’t wait to taste you”
“You have the juiciest butt, I’ve ever seen”
– you get the idea.
Remember: Always let your partner know how much you adore them, their mind, their body, etc. Why not employ a little dirty talk? Keen to polish up your smutty speaking skills? Read our blog on dirty talk over HERE. Games that open up the conversation might work well for you too. Think, 101 Nights of Great Sex or Our Self Pleasure Challenge.
Quality Time
Oh my. You, my friend, are in for some luscious, long-play fun. Prioritising quality time in the bedroom seems so simple and straightforward, so it amazes us to learn how few people plan for it. Sure, spontaneous sex is great. But for folks that speak fluent Quality Time, anticipating a planned session with meticulous attention to detail is so much sexier. From ambience to accessories, consider all elements of the experience.
Examples:
Curate the soundtrack, the sheets, condoms/barriers, candles, aphrodisiacs, toys, lube and aftercare - ALL THE THINGS. It’s up to you to ensure that everything is provided for, so that there are no distractions in the moment. It’s all about them.
Remember: Make sure all toys are charged and phones are off. Do not disturb.
Receiving Gifts
If your lover feels most seen and appreciated when you give them physical tokens of your love, then intimate gifts for the bedroom can really encourage their desire. And, if you’re stuck for ideas, encourage them to compile a list that they can share with you to have all of their desires fulfilled.
Examples:
Introduce a new massage oil, a different sex toy or lingerie that they have their eye on. Why not gift them a Liberator Toy Case and promise to keep filling it up with everything on their wishlist? Bring home flowers or books they love.
Remember: If they’re stuck for ideas, why not ask them to use the wishlist on the Passionfruit website - such a sexy segue to fantastic sex or to building your very own sex room (see our How to Build A Sex Room post HERE).
Acts of Service
Ahmmmmazing. The more attentive you are to your lover’s needs, the more treasured they will feel. This can be as simple as doing chores, checking that their car is full of fuel – or worshipping them in the bedroom. The bottom line? Your sex life will skyrocket when you put their needs first.
Examples:
Your lover may appreciate you taking the lead in the bedroom when it comes to satisfying their every wish and command. Bondage might be high on their list of things to enjoy. And when consent is given, some restraint and/or roleplay might work wonders. It’s your job to worship the very ground your lover walks on.
Remember: Their pleasure might be feather tickle torture or several hours of fellatio; avoid assumptions by always checking in with your partner to see/hear what really pleases them.
Physical Touch
Make sure you acknowledge your lover throughout the day with small physical gestures like kisses, hugs, holding hands and neck rubs etc. These gestures don’t have to be overly sexual to be sensual. When you’re in the bedroom, foreplay is your best friend. Familiarise yourself with every inch of their body and discover every pleasure zone.
Examples:
Make sure the room is warm and comfortable and delight your lover with a full body massage. Bring in sensation play products like feathers, stimulation oils and silicone lubes. Experiment with silk, latex and fishnet lingerie or fabrics. If you’re up for some BDSM, try blindfolds, floggers, Wartenberg wheels and nipple clamps.
Remember: You might be really turned on by Physical Touch too (you’re only human), but this is all about focusing on your partner’s pleasure and making them feel adored. If you would like to be at the centre of this experience, have a conversation with them and plan for it. You too can be the centre of your sensual universe.
Chat among yourselves
Now that you’ve interpreted each of the love languages into fully fledged acts of intimacy, it’s time to put your knowledge to work. If you aren’t in a relationship or partnered dynamic, get fluent in your own love language and apply it in your masturbation practice. Then, if and when you encounter future partners, you’ll be well-versed and ready for some deep, fulfilling conversations.
We'd love to know your love language(s) or how learning them has improved your sex life in the comments below.