This week is all about communicating on as many levels as possible.
One of the most important aspects of fulfilling sex is the ability to communicate. Even disagreements can be a catalyst for intimacy. This is not just about what you want your partner to do or not do, but also how you feel about the intimacy before, during and after.
Sex can be used for pleasure, stress reduction, boosting self-esteem, enhancing intimacy and making babies. Sometimes you and your partner might have different reasons for having sex. Accepting and even celebrating these differences can improve how you work together to give each other pleasure and increase your overall sexual satisfaction.
Knowing that you are a sexual being and fully deserving of pleasure and joy involves confidence and intimate self-knowledge. Understanding yourself is a crucial part of realising your full sexual potential.
In the previous weeks, we focused on developing knowledge around sex and your bodies. One of the most important things about this week is the creation of an open and safe environment where you can confidently explore everything you have ever wanted to talk about. Even if you are well versed in communicating openly, this week provides an opportunity to take things further.
Sometimes it can be difficult to continually communicate our intimate desires. This exercise is all about providing a space to have those difficult conversations. It is best if this takes place over two sessions so that each person can receive focused attention.
Set a calm and relaxing space and time where the intention is not sex, but focused attention and intimacy. While your partner touches you, your job is to describe how it feels in detail. Try your best to communicate the experience in as much detail as possible.
Alternatively, you can have a sexual adventure and then describe the experience by writing about it afterwards. Then share your writing with your partner. Discuss what it feels like hearing your experience, what you liked and if there is anything you would change about the experience.
This activity has long-lasting effects and can always be used to help break up your usual routine. Each of you will write down all of the things that you love to have done to you sexually. You will also write down all of the things you love to have done to you that might be non-sexual, but promote relaxation and intimacy. Put them on slips of paper and add them into a bowl. You can use different colour paper to mark them so that you can tell them apart, or keep them neutral and commit to performing whatever the other might like. Once the bowl is full, you can take turns picking slips. T
his is a chance to get all of your favourite sexual activities out. It is also the opportunity to let your partner know how you like to be touched. You might consider doing this activity over the course of a week, or a couple of weeks so that you cover all of your different moods.
If one of you has more than the other, what does that say about your intimacy?
Do you have the same things?
Are there any things that you struggle to do for your partner?
It is important to have conversations around all of these aspects.
Now is your chance to experience being in control. However, one of the most important things about control is realising that it is essentially about the ability to communicate and knowing what you want.
In this exercise, you will have the opportunity to tell each other how you would like to be touched. Don’t rush through this exercise. If you are the one being controlled, focus on listening and the sensations in your body. If you are the one who is controlling, focus on clearly communicating what you want, how you want it and where you want it.
Make sure to give feedback as to whether it is giving you the sensations that you want. Indicate when you want things to be harder or softer, faster or slower. You can stop, rewind, fast forward, pause and/or loop any actions. If it helps, use an actual remote as a prop.
As part of your aftercare, make sure to have a conversation to debrief and discuss the experience.