I get asked this one a lot and it’s very curly Kate. When we’re not on the same page as our partner, it can be a complex path to navigate but it can be done.



    Let’s be clear. No beating around the Kate Bush. What is it you want exactly? An open relationship? Non-monogamy? Affairs? Swinging? Define what it is you really want to do first and why. Read The Ethical Slut and Building Open Relationships. 




      Ask yourself these questions.

      Why am I doing this?
      How will I (and we) benefit from this arrangement?
      Can I picture my partner dating or sleeping with somebody else without getting upset?
      Am I avoiding something else in our relationship?
      Am I a jealous person?
      Am I doing this to add something to the relationship or for my own selfish reasons? 



        Start by reassuring your partner that you’re committed to the relationship. You are and always will be wildly attracted to them. They are your number 1 priority. Your sex life is wonderful. And because it’s so wonderful, you have a growing sexual appetite and want to get more creative and explore your boundaries. 



        PAVE THE WAY

          If your sex life isn’t already experimental, rewarding and open, start making it so. Whether or not your partner is interested in new things, it’s a great place to start the conversation.



            You need support, advice and resources so you’re not feeling alone or judged. Do you have a friend that you could talk to? A confidante? Perhaps you could try making friends at a like minded event (try Curious Creatures) or finding an online community (try Fetlife) that supports you. There are some great books and podcasts to explore.



            BABY STEPS

              If you think your partner is thawing a bit (after all you’ve just pegged them and given them the greatest p-spot orgasm of their life) suggest going to that club/party you’ve heard about. Be voyeurs for the night and take it from there. Maybe agree to flirt. Baby steps.




              Before embarking on anything sexual, there needs to be a lot of groundwork laid down. If there’s not enough honesty, communication and boundaries, your marriage is at risk of breaking down. You can talk it over with a sex and relationships counsellor, read Building Open Relationships or design your own lifestyle with eyes wide open. There’s always a risk of marital breakdown, whether you embark on an open relationship or not, but there’s also the possibility of deepening your connection. Good luck, Curious Kate!!