Oh, laud: Praise and degradation kinks unpacked

Does your idea of foreplay involve some sort of degradation? Prefer your dirty talk to consist solely of praise? Whether you lean towards derogatory name-calling – gentle or head-patting – we’re unpacking the basics of praise and degradation kinks, for your pleasure.

Firstly, what is a degradation kink?

Degradation kinks fall under the beautiful banner of bondage. Often intertwined with Dominance and submission dynamics, this practice involves a person consensually degrading, insulting or humiliating another within an adult context. Before we proceed, it’s important that the term consensual is highlighted and underlined, because this practice is really only ever okay, if all parties fully and enthusiastically consent to being involved. Otherwise, it’s just discrimination, bullying, and potentially traumatic.

Why is this practice pleasurable, you may ask? Well, many of us find the forbidden or the taboo to be arousing when experienced within a consensual context. For example, being called 'pathetic' by my boss doesn’t turn me on. But, being called pathetic by a lover, for climaxing too easily, for the umpteenth time in a session? Now, that’s my jam.

What are some examples of degradation play?

Degradation play is really as expansive as your creativity and imagination. It can include verbal slurs, like name-calling and objectification. For example, calling someone ‘pathetic’, ‘weak’, and ‘disgusting’ or dehumanising them by calling them a ‘cum dumpster’, ’filthy whore’ or ‘fucktoy’. Degradation play can also involve physical practices, like cuckolding (enabling another person to take your lover in front of you), withholding orgasm, spitting, pinching or otherwise inflicting pain through more traditional BDSM methods.

Due to the nature of this kind of play, we highly recommend that you incorporate an element of aftercare into your practice. Not sure what aftercare involves, or how you might incorporate this into your pleasure sessions? Learn more over here.

Tips for the criticism inclined

All this talk got your horned up? Of course it did, perve. Here, learn some ways to begin incorporating degradation into your pleasure practice:

Discuss how you might involve name-calling into your next scene. Then run through a list of potential insults (or themes) that you might enjoy being called/or calling your lover(s).
E.g. "It would really turn me on if you called me ___"
Incorporate an element of roleplay into your sessions. Could you act out your degradation scene through a fictional persona? Do they have a name, what are their traits, and how can they be exploited to their full pleasure potential? Is there a costume or accessory element involved?
E.g. A naughty neighbour with a porn addiction.
What are some of the physical elements of degradation play that you might be curious about? Are they more about restraint and withholding (e.g. orgasm denial) or is it about punishment via pleasure (e.g. ‘forced’ orgasms)?

Of course, we couldn’t explore degradation without flipping the coin. What if you have a penchant for praise? What if you enjoy elements of both? It’s more common than you think.

What is a praise kink?

Isn’t it simply nice to be nice? Sure. But some of us really, really enjoy having our efforts recognised and rewarded. While this could tie back to some unprocessed trauma (e.g. not being seen or acknowledged for our achievements or attributes), plenty of us simply respond better to positive reinforcement. But what separates the praise from the kinky stuff, is the context and nature of consent of the thing. For example, if a client calls me a ‘good girl’ in a professional context, it feels demeaning and infantilising. But, if a lover says, “that’s a good girl” while I’m consensually performing the best oral sex of my life, then yeah, I’m all for initiating a standing ovation.

What are some examples of praise in a pleasure practice?

Chances are you already do. Many people casually incorporate elements of praise in their pleasure sessions. By complimenting your lover or telling them how good something feels, you are rewarding their behaviour with positive reinforcement. And we do this not just through verbal cues like compliments, but physical ones like assuring touch, forehead kisses, and massages. Again, what makes something kinky is really a matter of consent and context. Is this something this person wants and welcomes? Is this something that you enjoy being part of/delivering?

Additionally, having a conversation with your lover beforehand is essential to learning what they do and don’t find sexy. For example, you may enjoy having your genitalia complimented, but find certain terminology very unsexy. It pays to have the chat beforehand so that you’re not accidentally turning your partner off by giving their bits unsavoury pet names. Perhaps start with, “what would you like me to call your ___?”, or “do you like it when I call you ___?”

Tips for integrating praise into your play

You did a great job of reading this article. As a reward, here are some sexy suggestions:

Discuss how you might bring praise into your next scene through verbal cues. Then run through a list of potential compliments and scenarios that you might enjoy being praised for – or praising them for.
E.g. "It would really turn me on if you complimented me for getting ___ for you.” Or “It would really turn me on to call you ____ while you ____.”
Incorporate an element of roleplay into your sessions. Could you act out your praise scene through a fictional persona? Is this a service relationship (e.g. tradesman, gardener, cleaner, etc.)? Are there everyday activities where the praise elements could be exaggerated or amplified?
E.g. “You’ve done such a good job with ____”
What are some of the physical ways that you can praise your lover or be praised? Are you rewarded with a particular kind of touch or toy, are there tiered rewards for various actions? Is it always sexual or can it be verbal, physical but not erogenous?