Touch. It’s how we communicate, calibrate and connect with the world around us. Whether we’re interacting with others or nurturing ourselves, touch can awaken memory, emotion and desire like nothing else. Best of all, it’s something we can do on our own, without the accompaniment of partners or pleasure toys.
It’s easy to get caught-up in common foreplay programming and forget to feel. Yes, while this idea is quite cynical, a lot of people still believe that there’s an unwritten narrative to sex; that kissing precedes “second base”, getting naked, and eventually doing ‘the deed’. Somewhere in between it all (let’s be real, between all that baseball talk), we forget to be present and begin to dissociate. Well, my distant friends, we’re here to throw all that guff out the window.
But, before we get all heady, it’s important for us to note that, for some, being in their body doesn’t always feel safe. While we actively promote enthusiastic exploration, we also recommend taking each step at your own pace and finding what works best for you in your body. Now, get ready for a visual celebration of sensation, where we’ll embrace slowing down and putting the play back into foreplay.
STATE OF PLAY
All great sex begins with consent and clear communication, especially if you have any pre-existing health conditions, concerns or boundaries that may impact your experiences. This might mean introducing a barrier (like a dam or condom into your pleasure practice) or adjusting the strength, duration or dynamics of your sessions. Rather than approaching these essentials as interruptions to intimacy, consider how you might use their texture or taste (think flavoured dams, condoms and lube) to elevate your experiences. Yes, this is the time to charge those pleasure toys you intend on incorporating into your play – and to consider the ways in which you’d like to involve various pleasure devices and accessories into your practice.
FEEL YOUR WAY
Skin on skin. Slippery lube on silicone. Powerful wands reverberating over the top of your clothes. Touch comes in many forms. Think about all the sensations you already enjoy and how you might like to experiment with or explore these sensations further. The experimentation might begin with the way you see your pleasure toys, lingerie and accessories. Consider the velvety finish of a vibrator when it’s switched off or the firm length of a riding crop out of action. How does it feel to apply these pleasure tools in unconventional ways? Think about rolling a ball gag up and down your sternum, stroking a suction-based dildo along the backs of your knees (or your armpit) and what it might feel like to apply the head of a wand vibrator to the tip of your nose. Remember, when we say unconventional we mean safe (ALWAYS use a flared-base for butt stuff).
This one’s for the master debaters, the solo session specialists looking to heighten their sensation play. Experimenting with interesting textures and temperatures are just some of the ways we can experience and enjoy tactility within our own comfort zones and at our own pace. Paying attention to sensation can help us reconnect with our bodies, and swap disassociation for curiosity. From whisper-soft strokes to solid pounding, notice which sensations really resonate with your full spectrum of touch. Love grinding on your pillow? Consider adding a rumbly vibrator to your play. Prefer something penetrative? Maybe a suction-based dildo is more your pace. These versatile pleasure toys can be used in partnered play, harnessed strap-on play, or solo when fixed firmly to a surface (hint: shower walls).